they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
