She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize