the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize