I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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