Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
