whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
