i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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