escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
