When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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