so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize