Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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