I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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