Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
