i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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