My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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