apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
