Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
