In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You ruined the universe
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
