I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
