I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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