i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
