i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
