After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
