If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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