He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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