i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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