ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
