it hurts more in the daytime
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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