got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
