well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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