He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm really busy with my period
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