I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize