It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
