that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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