: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
