BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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