they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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