i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
