Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
