my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
