Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
