The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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