her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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