Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
