she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
