At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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