i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
