I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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