shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
