drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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