That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
