After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
