I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
