I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
