he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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