i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
as a side note pls kill me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
