What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
