She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
