yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
