if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I FOUND THE LEGS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
