I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
