He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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