im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
