I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
