I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
