im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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