im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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