At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
