FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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